june 25th.
this year has been slightly insane. i started it off in the hospital for an emergency surgery, spent feb + march passing out, in april my second book was released, on the 1st of may i met my all-time favourite author (jessica townsend, the genius behind the nevermoor series) and the rest of may was spent filming for a school assignment. and june has been a rollercoaster, so far.
a lot of things happened in my personal life that directly impacted my studies. i’m ashamed to admit i barely passed my subjects — the only reason i may have is due to the kindness of adjusted grade boundaries (for the start of year 11). i’m a semester behind in maths and english is now my least favourite subject. i feel like i have done a complete 180 in the persona i had for school + my attitudes toward school. i used to be the kid who loved school so much i didn’t want to go home, who would study their butt off just because they liked studying, who adored english and never dreamed of disliking it.
however, in my defence, i have spent 2025 just trying to make it through each day. and i know that i am not the only one.
it’s honestly so confusing growing up in a world like this, where nothing is certain, nothing is honest, and it is hard to discern what is true and what is false news. a world like this where political disputes are taking place on the same platforms where minors post thirst traps. a world like this where a literal criminal can become president of a country. this year, so much calamity has risen and it feels so weird to be going from “there’s no baby formula in gaza” to “go buy my book” within a tap on a screen.
i am awfully confused on what to do, how to exist, in this world. and how much of it can i blame on society? i fear the fault is becoming ours, as well. i wish there was a guide on how to be a good person. but even the definition of ‘good’ is subjective. why is art being stolen?? WHY CAN’T PEOPLE REALISE THAT AI IS RUINING US SO RAPIDLY. AI IS BAD. FOR THE EARTH, FOR HUMANITY, FOR ART. ART IS AN EXPRESSION OF HUMANITY. YOU CAN’T HAVE HUMANITY WITHOUT HUMAN. AI IS ERASING HUMANITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
okay this is all over the place and becoming incoherent but we shall persist. i think what i am trying to convey is that there’s a lot of things happening (in the world, in our lives) and we’re all tired and we’re all overwhelmed. and i cannot wait to be done with high school (even though that moment will come in over a year 💔).
on another note, i have gone back to writing stories/novels! unfortunately i think i am pretty burnt out poetry-wise, and i did release a poetry book this year so i think i can give myself a break from poems. i’ve got some exciting things brewing, but i won’t be able to share them for a while (the pain of longer-form writing).
july 7th.
lol i forgot about this but i have decided i’m just gonna post it anyway because i want to stop caring about what other people think — this is like my online, very public, diary. anyway i hope you are doing well <3